Just Some Current Thoughts...

Here we go, I'm already taking a blogging nosedive.

I was so good about posting for a few weeks and now this week I've completely ignored this blog. 

I need to keep motivated to write. 

It helps me, it's a special place for me and I want to remember all the things we do.

One of my favorite things to do is to read old blog posts from this blog and my old blog and remember.

A few days ago Josh and I went through my entire archive of my old blog (from when we first got married) and it was so fun to see how much we've already changed in such a short time. 

We kept laughing at ourselves because things are so different now just two years later and we're two totally different people. 

We've matured and learned so much in these short years and it's fun to have an archive of our life at our fingertips. 

I'll just recap our week real quick.

I've had a lot of thoughts and emotions this week on so many different things and I've sat down to write about 6 times since Tuesday and just haven't had the concentration to do so.

Tuesday morning I had oral surgery which was pretty terrible. 

During the procedure I was wishing that I was giving birth rather than having a tooth pulled out of my head. 

That whole day I rested in bed with a pounding headache while Josh and Viv played.

Josh was an angel during my downtime.

He went and rented me a whole stack of chick flicks, brought me food and juice, took care of Viv and cleaned the house. 

He even cleaned out the fridge! 

Seriously you guys, my husband is a dreamboat.

The next day I was in less pain but my face was so swollen and bruised that I couldn't do much talking or eating.

Josh was home Tuesday-Thursday again this week (but he's starting school on Tuesday and starting to work 15 more hours at work a week) so I really just soaked up these last few days with him around all the time. 

By Wednesday evening I was anxious to get out of the house so we took a trip to Target to get a few things for Viv's birthday party in a few weeks. We went out for a quick little dinner and we were home by 7pm ready to watch more movies. 

I really loved those two lazy days of doing nothing really. 

We don't get many of those so we just enjoyed them as much as possible. 

Yesterday we took a trip out to my parent's house for two of my younger brother's birthdays. 

I hadn't seen my family in almost 3 weeks and I was starting to get a little emotional about it. 

It's so hard to drive an hour out there in the winter because there's so much snow and it gets dark so early that I hate driving out there by myself with Viv. So I don't get to see my mom as often as I'd like during the winter which just adds to the dreariness of these cold months. 

Today is back to the normal routine.

Josh went to work this morning, and I woke up early to do a quick tidy of the house before Viv wakes up.

*If you're still reading then you deserve a warm cookie or something. Seriously, I don't know how I can get more boring than recapping my dull week. I'm about to get a little deep and emotional though, so you might want to just give up reading this post now before it gets worse* 

I've been having a lot of thoughts and emotions on certain things this week.

I feel like my brain needs a nap because it's just been on overload. 

I'm a deep thinker. 

Sometimes I can't sleep at night because my mind is so busy thinking about things...plans, details, my kids, moving, money, people. 

This is Josh's last semester of school (at least for the next year or two until he starts grad school) and I feel like there's finally a light at the end of this long tunnel. 

I've been with him since the very beginning. 

We met just before he started his very first college semester in 2008. 

The next semester and the two following we took classes together.

We started dating and got engaged during those semesters and by the fall of 2010 we were married.

I stopped taking classes after 3 semesters so that I could work full-time and help provide so that he could graduate with his associates. 

He graduated and then started up at the University in town to get his Bachelor's degree. 

During this time we got pregnant for the first time, had our first daughter, celebrated two years of marriage and got pregnant with out second daughter. 

Like I said, it's been a long road. 

My whole adult life has been Josh being in school, spending long hours writing papers and doing homework all while working multiple jobs to make things work. 

My whole adult life has been struggling to pay the bills, having one vehicle, and not having much spare time with my husband except for summer time and winter breaks. 

Now finally things are looking up.

I feel like this semester is going to feel like the longest one yet though. 

It's winter which automatically makes the days feel longer, but on top of that we're going to be so busy waiting to hear from jobs, sending out applications and *hopefully* making a trip or two down south for interviews (Because I'm obviously tagging along to check out the towns - granted I haven't just had a new baby). 

We're praying and trusting that the Lord will provide for us but it's still hard not knowing.

Not knowing if or when or even where Josh will find a job.

But I know that in the long run this time is going to fly by. 

We've come so far and this time of our life is almost complete.

We're starting a new chapter soon.

It might be just as hard as this one for awhile but I know that it's going to be so much better.

So many new adventures are in our future; so many new memories. 

At 21 my husband will graduate from college, have been married almost three years and have two children. 

Now that's a roller coaster ride right there! 

Joshua is the most positive and upbeat person I've ever met and his energy is inspiring. 

It takes a whole lot for him to get worn out and tired.

He's a powerhouse of energy and knowledge. 

I'm so proud of him for getting us this far and I can't wait for us to go ever further together!

Hmm...this is definitely not what I thought this post would be about but like I said, I'm a thinker and my mind is always going in different directions. 

I have major ADD and I cannot focus on one thing for more than a few minutes.

I'm very fidgety and busy in my mind. 

I originally wanted to write about some things that I've been thinking about lately on having daughters but now it would just be too long of a post to get into. 

Right now I'm going to go clean up the kitchen floor because Viv just pulled a bag of flour out of the cupboard and decided that it would be fun to play in.

My Thoughts for the Day.

When I was in the shower this morning I was thinking (that's really the only time I have to think) about some things. I think that every day I'm going to do a short post about my thoughts for the day, kind of like a journal entry. That is, if I have enough time in the day to have anything thoughts! 

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Becoming a mother for the first time was the weirdest experience I will ever go through. 

My body went through a trauma it had never had before and my emotions for the first week after Viv was born were horrific. 

I had no idea what I was doing or why I wanted to have a baby.

It was bad - so bad.

I know I won't feel like this again because it was definitely a new-mom thing. It was because I had no idea what the hell was going on. I think what made it the worst was the fact that even though Viv breastfed great from the moment she was born, I wasn't used to it. I was sore, I was crying, and then after a few days my milk came in. It was painful and it was weird. Breastfeeding never felt natural for me even though it went smoothly. For months I felt awkward and I never got that rush of oxytocin that everyone talked about being so wonderful. 

*After a few months it definitely got better emotionally for me and now I love breastfeeding and Viv is almost a year old.*

To make things worse, Josh had to go back to work and school only a few days after we brought the baby home. I didn't really have time to figure out what I was doing before I was alone all day while he was gone. Every night when he got home I cried uncontrollably  for hours. It freaked him out and it freaked me out because neither of us knew why I was so distraught. 

Luckily, all of these emotions only lasted about a week.

After that I got my head all figured out, got my baby figured out, and things got a lot better from there.

But that first week is definitely something that will always be so strong in my mind - it was intense. 

I am so glad that I never have to be a first-time mom ever again.

Even through all of the wonderful and beautiful moments that made up my days, the confusion and awkwardness was enough to make me go mad. 

Being pregnant for the second time is such a different experience than it was when I was pregnant with Viv. 

I know what it will be like to have a newborn, I know the routine of changing diapers and nursing. 

With Viv I was forever reading different things about pregnancy and having a newborn, following the growth and development every week.

  Everything is still so fresh and new in my mind that I almost feel like a baby-growing professional. 

I don't constantly think about what it will be like to go into labor and deliver the baby - I just know it's going to happen and I know what to expect and I don't think about it. 

What I do constantly think about is what it's going to be like to have a 15 month old baby and a brand new baby.

Now there's a thought that scares me a little!

Sleeping schedules are going to change - where will the new baby sleep since we already co-sleep with Viv.

Are we going to teach Viv to sleep alone or is the new baby going to sleep in a bassinet?

 Since Viv is still nursing, our feeding schedules are going to have to adapt to two babies nursing.

When I go out I'll have two babies to fit in a shopping cart or put in the stroller.

Two babies to give baths every day, two babies to always change clothes and diapers of. 

Two babies to take to playgroups and church.

I know we'll work everything out fine and things will fall into place just like they did when we were new parents with our first baby, but there is still just so much to think about just like when we were first pregnant. Only this time, everything that we're thinking about is so different.

I'm so excited to have two babies.

Being a mom is the most fun thing and I'm so excited to have two babies to play with and love and to raise.

I'm so ready for the challenge of having two.

I'm ready for the chaos!