May 29, 2013


Okay, we've made it to a huge milestone with Vivienne!
We're are weaned from breastfeeding!!
She will be 16 months old on Monday and I am so proud to have made it to this point with breastfeeding.
There were so many times early on when I didn't think that we would even make it a couple months let alone almost a year and a half.
We didn't really plan to wean her, it just sort of happened.
Over the past month or so nursing was getting so painful for me because of the new baby coming that I would literally have to pray every time we would nurse and just ask the Lord to calm me down. 
I was getting frustrated and angry because of all the pain and I knew that if I didn't pray for peace that I was going to snap at Viv soon and I never wanted nursing to be anything but a comfort for her.
About 4 nights ago I just decided that I couldn't nurse her to sleep one more night and I just told her no.
I was so torn because we have such a close bond through breastfeeding and I was so scared to lose that but I knew that if Viv didn't stop soon that it was going to effect Penny.
I knew that if I didn't get some sort of break, or even if I had to nurse both of them that I would give up too early with Penny and I so deeply want her to have an extended nursing experience as well. 
So, the first night was rough.
It was one of the most emotional and traumatic times so far as a parent. 
It was bad because of how she was reacting to not being allowed to nurse but also because I was so emotionally invested in this journey we had been on together.
So many times that night I questioned if I was doing things the right way or if I was a terrible mother.
We never let her cry it out before and here I was just starting out of the blue.
Deep down I felt a peace though and so I continued to let her cry.
I snuggled her and rocked her in my arms to let her know that my love was still there.
I sang her lullabies and told her stories.
I stroked her hair and her cheeks and held her so tight while she cried.
After about 25 minutes she had settled down and was starting to fall asleep.
After 35 minutes she was peacefully sleeping just like if I had nursed her to sleep.

The next night was a little bit easier.
I held her close and hushed her to sleep within about 15 minutes... and her crying was not nearly as bad as the first night. 

Last night after her bath was had, her teeth were brushed, and stories were told she jumped into my arms and kissed my face and fell asleep in my arms within minutes.
It was the most beautiful experience so far for me as her mother.
There was so much peace and so much comfort.

I am so thankful for the 16 special months that I nursed my firstborn to sleep every single night.
There is a bond from that time that could never be broken.
I am also thankful that this journey has come to an end.
It was time and both of us knew it.
It was time for her to be the big girl and sleep on her own before her little sister comes and it was time for me to realize that she is no longer my littlest baby (even though she will always and forever be my baby). 
There is something just so deeply special about my sweet Vivienne and watching her grow and mature so much over the past few nights has made me so proud and so grateful. 

This morning to celebrate her 3rd night of being a big girl and going to sleep without nursing I whipped up a batch of pink heart-shaped pancakes (thanks Melissa for the idea of celebration pancakes!!) and made her some pink strawberry milk and had ready for her when she woke up! 
She was so excited...mostly though because I let her have extra maple syrup with her pancakes...hehe.
I put Taylor Swift (she's obsessed) on and we danced all morning while we had breakfast. 
After she ate she took a bath with extra bubbles and special bath paints and just had the best time!
It was raining and dreary all morning and afternoon and I just decided that all the housework could wait and that Viv deserved all my attention for the rest of the day instead of just making the morning special...
We made a cozy blanket fort in her room and played with all her dolls and read so many stories, we painted special pictures for Penny for when she comes home, and we ate lots of popcorn!
Later in the afternoon I had a doctor's appointment but after that we stopped at the local pet store and saw baby bunnies and other furry critters.
Finally, after Josh got home from work we all piled into the car and ventured out in the rain and spent some time at the library since it was too wet to go to the playground like usual. 
We're trying to spoil her as much as possible and make her feel so special before the new baby comes and takes some of our attention away.
I just love spending my days at home with my girl doing fun things and making memories! 

No comments:

Post a Comment