No Crib For You!

For a few weeks now I have been thinking about trying to teach Vivienne to go to sleep on her own...in her own crib. I wanted her to be able to learn to fall asleep on her own and soothe herself. It's hard to do anything because she constantly wants to be held and she can't sleep unless I am holding her or lying next to her. I had a lot of people giving me advice on the best ways they to get her to learn to sleep on her own. 

So, one afternoon when she was tired I took her in and put her in her crib. She was happy for a little while until she got bored....man, this baby gets so bored so quickly!

Needless to say, once she realized Mama wasn't there next to her she cried.

It wasn't a screaming end-of-the-world cry but a lip-quivering-real tears little cry. 

The kind that she gets when the doctor gives her her shots. 

I went in to peek on her and saw her helpless little tears and that precious quivering lip and broke into a million pieces.

How could I do that to her?!

Every single day for almost 60 days now she has only known her Mama to put her to sleep.

She knows that whenever she is scared that I will be there. She knows that Mama's arms are safe and warm and would never bring her harm. She knows me and she is comforted by me. I'm the one that soothes her and lets her know that she isn't alone. Right now without me she is helpless. 

After that awful experience and feeling like the worst mother out there it's easy to say that Vivienne will be sleeping with us for however long she wants. If she's 5 and still wants to sleep with us that's fine by me! She isn't going to need me forever. Before I know it she'll be doing things on her own and learning her own independence. All three of us sleep so wonderfully together and I'm not going to ruin that. A few nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night and looked over to see Vivi holding one of her daddy's fingers - moments like that are what make our lives so beautiful. I'm cherishing every single moment with our girl. I don't want to miss one single smile or laugh. 

These are the days.