Parenting: Our Breastfeeding Journey...So Far.

This post was pretty hard for me to write.
I guess I have a hard time really opening myself up and being raw with people who I may not know very well...or at all.
This post is so personal to me and it's not written to appease anyone but rather for me to keep a memory of our journey and to share with anyone else who might relate.
These parenting posts aren't for anyone to judge or criticize.
I know that the mommy world can be extremely critical and feel almost like a competition sometimes.
I hate that.
So, this is just me being real and sharing something that is special to me.
If you don't breastfeed, that is totally fine.
Whatever works for you and your family is wonderful.
Everyone has different ways of parenting and I'm not here to sound like I think I know it all or think that I'm doing it the best.
I'm don't and I'm not.
Just what I believe is best for my family.

If you're a breastfeeding mama, I hope you enjoy this post.
If you're having a hard time with breastfeeding, I hope that I can inspire you not to give up.
If you're not a breastfeeding mama, don't be offended by my boobs.

When I found out I was pregnant with Vivienne, I knew without a doubt that I would be breastfeeding her.

While I was pregnant I read so many books, online articles and blog posts about breastfeeding that I thought I was totally prepared.

When Viv was born I had her nurse before they even cleaned her off.

I knew that I wanted to be the only thing she knew.

She latched as soon as she was born - within seconds.

I was so relieved because I had been worrying that it was going to be a difficult road.

The first day at the hospital was blissful.

She nursed for hours and never had any problems.

I was so naive though and didn't take any help from a lactation consultant - I thought that just because she was nursing well there were no other problems and that it would be smooth sailing from then on out.

After the first day things got really bad.

Viv had been having a really shallow latch and it all but ripped me apart. 

Thankfully we hadn't left the hospital yet and I had a lactation consultant come in and help me.

It took a lot to admit that I needed help and to have someone tell me that I wasn't feeding my new baby right. 

Even though we learned how to get a proper latch, things got worse before they started to get better. 

Any of you who have breastfed before know that pain of just starting breastfeeding. 

I think I went through about 4 or 5 tubes of lanolin in the first few weeks because the pain from the cracks and rawness was unbearable.

Our first week home I suffered with terrible emotions from the roller coaster that was giving birth.

Add to that breastfeeding and I couldn't stop crying for a week. 

If I remember correctly (the first few weeks were a blur) I don't think that I ever seriously thought about giving up nursing. 

I knew it was best and I knew that we would get past the rough part. 

Viv was an angel baby and never cried - slept 12 hours every night - but I was up all night for weeks crying because I was so overwhelmed with nursing and the pain and frustrations that came with it. 

I never really felt that rush of oxytocin that everyone always talked about.

It was a hard time.

After about a month, we started to get the hang of things and I was completely healed.

It's amazing the difference it makes when you have a great latch and you're not in any pain.

We started to enjoy breastfeeding more than anything else.

The bonding that we started to experience was incredible.

This tiny person that grew inside me for so many months was now living and breathing because I was feeding her.

I was supplying her with the very best thing she could have.

I was her life.

And at the same time, she was mine.

The distance between a mother's breast and her face is the perfect distance for a newborn baby's vision.

When you're holding that sweet, dewy child  and she's staring you in the eyes...that baby who you waited to touch, hold and smell for so long...she's now cradled warm and safe in your arms being nourished and protected.

There's something incredible in that.

Something so precious.

Something so powerful.

Something that shakes you to your core.

That incredible love.

I breastfed Viv until she was almost 16 months old. 

I nursed her throughout my entire pregnancy with Penny and fully planned on nursing them both but three weeks before Penny was born Viv decided she was finished.

I feel like she really did know that things were going to be changing - that she was going to be the bigger girl and she felt like a big girl. 

She had only been nursing once at night to help fall asleep for awhile but it was still a comfort measure.

It took about two nights for her to stop nursing altogether.

There were some tears from both of us but in the end I knew that we had our time and I was just thankful for how long we did make it. 

When Penny was born she also latched within seconds. 

It's amazing how a baby can just be born and then literally crawl up the mother's chest to find food.

It's kind of bizarre actually. 

With Penny, breastfeeding was so easy.

I didn't have any fear or doubts because I had been breastfeeding Viv for the past 16 months and knew exactly what to do.

I think the most difficult part of nursing at first is definitely the insecurity of being a new mom - the second time around is just amazing.

My supply was already fantastic since I had just stopped nursing not even 3 weeks prior and I wasn't sensitive either. 

I was so thankful that I never had to worry about my milk supply coming in or becoming engorged.

It was pretty awesome actually.

Probably one of the best things about having my kids so close together - at least for my body anyway.

We never had any problems, no pain, nothing.

She nursed liked an angel and even gained almost 3 pounds in her first month!

About seven weeks ago (when Penny was about 9 weeks old) we hit a bit of a rough patch.

She got thrush in her mouth. 

Viv had thrush when she was six months old and so we knew how to clear it up quickly and didn't think much of it.

What I didn't think about though was nursing her during the time that she had the thrush.

After about a week she had given it to me through nursing and the pain was unreal.

I kept nursing her and soon I was raw and torn so badly that I was bleeding.

My cuts and sores got infected and I was literally in the worst pain of my life.

I couldn't nurse.

I couldn't even pump.

All I could do was hand-express and cry.

We ended up having to give Penny formula because I just couldn't hand-express enough milk. 

It would take an hour just to get two ounces and she would gulp that down in seconds and be wanting 4-6 ounces more every few hours.

I cried for so many days because I just couldn't stand having to give my baby formula when I was producing milk still.

I felt like a failure.

I used home remedies and got the thrush cleared up but it took about three weeks for me to completely heal. 

I kept thinking that I was healed enough and would nurse her only to open my wounds again and have to start all over.

It was such a hard few weeks.

My emotions were all over the place.

"Mom guilt" was so strong.

And poor Penny's body was so confused.

She was backed up and didn't have a bowel movement for almost a week because of the formula and she would spit up after every feeding.

I am so thankful that I didn't lose my milk supply during that ordeal.

I was so worried that Penny was only going to have nursed for two months.

It would have taken a lot for me to have accepted that. 

Now that we're over that rough patch, things are going better than ever.

Nursing (all slight complications aside) has to be the easiest thing ever in terms of convenience.

If we're out and about in public I don't have to worry about bottles or formula or anything. 

I'm not really one of those women who just whip out the boob in a public place without thinking though.

I almost always cover-up or at least have her in the sling so that you can't tell I'm nursing. 

It's just easier to not make other people feel awkward if they're that type.

Anyway, sorry that this post was basically a novel.

I hope that at least one person enjoyed it - if anyone made it this far! 

I'm so thankful for the gift of breastfeeding and the love and bonding that comes with it.

God sure knew what he was doing!

XO.

Parenting: Babywearing

So, over the next few weeks/months I'm going to do a little series about parenting. 

I'm definitely no expert, and I don't think I ever will be, so everything I say is really just my personal take on how I (and my husband) parent and raise our kids. 

I'll be touching on a whole slew of subjects including: co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, meals and baby foods, scheduling, "toddler-schooling", discipline and other personal parenting things. 

We really parent from the heart.

Some people think we're crazy.

Some people are on the same page.

And other people just couldn't care less.

Anyway, I decided to start out this series light and simple and begin with babywearing!

When Viv was born I didn't really wear her much at all. 

We had a Mody Wrap and an Ergo carrier but I didn't like either of them very much and it always just seemed easier to carry her. 

Shortly before Penny was born I did a lot of research into "babywearing" and all the different types of carriers out there. 

I knew that I would have my hands full with two little ones and I needed to get into the whole wearing my kid thing so that I could get things done. 

So after doing a lot of research and talking to a lot of friends I decided to go with a ring sling since I didn't care for the wrap or the hard carrier. 

When Penny was born I was gifted a Sakura Bloom sling and it was the best decision I've made!

It was the easiest to get used to and my newborn baby LOVED it. 

Viv was only 16 months old when Penny was born and so I didn't get a break at all. 

From the moment we came home from the hospital it was back to real life with a toddler. 

Being able to curl Penny up all cozy in the sling was like a dream.

I could still give my attention to Viv, while still being able to keep my new baby as close to me as possible. 

I never had to let Penny cry while I was busy taking care of Viv and I loved that.

Now that Penny is a few months old and a little bit more stable, wearing her has become even more fun. 

Where ever we go I'm able to just pull my sling out of my purse, throw it on, and carry her around - no stroller, no hassle. 

She's big enough that she can hold her head up and just look at me and look around at the world - she plays with my hair and touches my face - there's just so much love!

When I'm in the grocery store, I don't have to carry a bulky car seat around and have it take up all the space in my cart.

When she's teething I don't have to lay her down in her bassinet and cry while I take care of Viv.

If she's cranky or tired and I'm making meals, giving Viv a bath, or sweeping the floors she doesn't have to cry and I don't have to not get anything done. 

It's amazing how such a simple thing as a sling can be so life-changing and wonderful. 

I feel so bonded to my little girl when she's close to, looking into my eyes. 

As she gets older she's going to want to be more independent and not want me to be so close to her all the time. 

These early months are so special and pass so quickly. 

I'm so thankful for these close bonding times and all the love between my sweet little lady and I. 

I am in no way affiliated with Sakura Bloom...just a product that I LOVE.

Two Under Two: 3 Months In

Two kids under two.

Well, in my case it was two kids under a year and a half when Penny was born. 

I always heard people talk about how hard this is.

How I'll go out of my mind and not be able to keep up.

Honestly, people scared me a little.

While I was pregnant I was almost dreading what things would be like once we added a new baby into the already smooth flow of our family. 

I thought that life was going to be out of control. 

Now, I will say that things aren't perfect...and they're definitely not always easy.

But things are a whole heck of a lot easier than I thought they would be. 

Viv has really stepped into the role of "big sister" and I'm so proud of how much she's grown and matured.

Her patience and wisdom is astounding for how tiny and young she is. 

There are definitely moments when things get hard.

Times that I have to speak to her with a firm voice and try to explain things to her. 

Times where she just doesn't understand.

But I just keep reminding myself that my eldest is still a baby herself.

And that helps put everything into perspective. 

I guess it also helps that Penny is a really fantastic baby.

She has her moments of fussiness, but as her mom, I can figure out what she needs almost instantly.

She's a very easy little girl to read and doesn't require a whole lot other than milk and lots of close snuggles.

The hardest part of having two so young is going places without Josh.

Play dates, parks, etc are a breeze but when it comes to going into a store alone with them...forget about it!

I actually have only gone out with both of them to the stores one time - I usually just wait until Josh is home and just take Viv with me...then it becomes a fun little shopping date with my big girl.

If someone were to ask me if we wished we had waited longer to have a second child there would be absolutely no question about it.

Having two this close together is ALREADY so much fun and it's just going to get so much better as they get older.

It hasn't even been three months yet but I haven't had a day where I've felt tired or burnt out.

We pace ourselves and schedule and it makes life easier.

We lead with love and it makes life simple. 

More Vacation Photos

I promise that I'm almost finished posting millions of pictures from our vacation!

I just really wanted to have these posts to look back on and I took over a thousand pictures so it was really, really hard to narrow them down to a handful that I loved! 

On this day we spent the morning and afternoon strolling along Clearwater Beach.

It was a gorgeous day though a little windy but it was great to be outside anyway. 

We went to a bunch of surf shops and stores, walked along a beautiful boardwalk of boats and vendors selling things, and let Viv play on a playground for awhile.

One of my favorite things about going away is exploring little towns and discovering treasures!

On this day we spent the morning at the beach and then when it came time for Viv to nap we popped her in the stroller and walked around the town we were staying in.

We went into all the little shops, got ice cream (again), and found the cutest manatee watching park with huge docks to walk along. 

We let Viv sleep while we just talked, held hands, and dipped our toes in the water. 

I think this afternoon was my very favorite of the whole trip. 

It's such a joy to have a little family to enjoy life with.

To discover new things and make memories.

I can't wait to have another baby to welcome into our little family to start making memories with.

Life is just so beautiful.

Over the weekend we left our rental home and stayed at Josh's grandparents house for the last couple nights of our vacation.

They have a gorgeous house with a pool and so it was nice to just hang out and relax in a familiar place.

 Viv's favorite thing to do there was running around in the yard and taking walks down the sidewalks.

She wanted to be outdoors every single second that she was awake...and so we were.

We even spent most of her naps outside walking her around in the stroller.

Right down the street from Josh's grandparents house is an awesome nature park that we walked to every morning that we were staying there.

We would walk about 5 miles right after we woke up, just exploring and walking around the park.

We saw so many different animals!

We found a great playground that we loved to visit and walked along wooden boardwalks that stretched along the intercoastal waterway.

I wish there was such a fun nature park near us that we could enjoy this summer. 

We have a couple near us but nothing as wonderful as this one!

Well, I think I only have one more vacation post and I'll be done!

I'm going to overload on posts today because I'm just so behind everything.

We have company stay with us for a few days and we were just so busy.

So I'm going to catch up and then hopefully be able to stay on track from now until at least when the baby is born, hehe.